Why did Sydney quit the restaurant in “The Bear?”

A PERSONAL ESSAY BY SYDNEY

I've always been fiercely independent, curious, ambitious, and, as my past employers say, 'incredibly impatient.' I've always been the person who walks into a room and wants to change things for the better. That's exactly what I intended to do when I walked into The Original Beef.

I was excited. I had worked in multiple kitchens, hopping from one to the other, always finding a reason to move on. I thought The Original Beef would be different. I thought that Carmy and I were on the same page. We spoke about creating a healthier work environment, breaking free from the toxicity that can thrive in high-stress kitchens.

But there was one night when things went awry. Carmy lost his temper, and the kitchen transformed into an echo chamber of verbal abuse. The kitchen became a war zone, where orders were shouted like commands, and mistakes were met with vitriolic disdain. It was a suffocating scene that stirred my deepest fears, reminding me of what I've always been running away from.

It was never about the mistake I made. It wasn't about being yelled at for the orders that went wrong. What bothered me was the eruption of toxicity that quickly poisoned the environment we had tried to cultivate. The walls of the kitchen closed in around me, making me feel claustrophobic. The toxicity affected me, making me lash out at Richie. It was a moment of regret, a moment that left me questioning my actions, my presence in that environment. I didn’t want to become a part of the problem. And so, I left. I left to escape, not from the challenge, but from the negative energy and the harsh words that struck like bullets.

After I left, I contemplated my future. Opportunities were on the horizon, beckoning me with promises of better work environments. There was a tantalizing prospect of starting a rival restaurant. But there was something that held me back. Despite the chaos, The Original Beef had become more than a kitchen to me. It was where I had formed bonds, earned respect, and honed my culinary skills. It was the place that had become my father's favorite and the place that made me feel connected to my roots.

My decision to return wasn’t easy. It was only after Carmy reached out, apologized, and showed receptiveness to my ideas that I began to reconsider. In his messages, I saw a glimmer of hope for change. I saw a potential to rebuild, to make The Original Beef a place where culinary passion thrives without the shadow of toxicity. So, I decided to give it another shot.

Now, I’m not saying it’s going to be a smooth ride from here on. There are bound to be bumps, potential clashes, and unexpected challenges. But I’m ready to face them. I'm ready to fight for a better kitchen, for a healthier environment. After all, that's what growth is about, right? It's about learning from your experiences and using them as stepping stones to build a better future. And that's precisely what I plan to do.