Why didn’t Voldemort Hide his Horcruxes Better?

Voldemort was terrible at hiding his horcruxes. Why didn’t he hide them in more random places that would be harder for Harry and Dumbledore to track down? In this scene, Daniel Tosh mocks He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for this ridiculous blunder.

The Verdict: The horcruxes were not just simple objects to be hidden away, they were a part of my very being and soul. Your crude suggestions do not understand the complexity of Voldemort’s plan.

Voldemort: "Greetings, Daniel. It is an honor to meet you."

Daniel Tosh: "Yeah, sure, whatever. So, I heard you're this big bad guy or something. But, honestly, you're not very good at hiding your horcruxes, are you?"

Voldemort: "What do you mean?"

Daniel Tosh: "I mean, come on, man. You hid them in a cave, a forest, and even in a freaking diary. That's like hiding your keys under a rock. Anyone could have found them."

Voldemort: "I had my reasons for hiding them in those specific locations."

Daniel Tosh: "Yeah, sure you did. But, have you ever heard of throwing them in the ocean or ejecting them into space? That would have been a lot harder to find."

Voldemort: "Those methods had never occurred to me."

Daniel Tosh: "Well, maybe you should have hired a consultant or something. Just a thought."

Voldemort: [angrily]: "You mock me, but you do not understand the power and significance of those horcruxes. They were not just simple objects to be hidden away, they were a part of my very being and soul. Your crude suggestions do not understand the complexity of my plan."

Daniel Tosh: [snickering]: "Wow, someone's a little defensive. Look, all I'm saying is that you could have made it a little harder for Harry Potter and his friends to find them. But hey, I guess that's why you're the bad guy and they're the heroes, right?"

Voldemort: [furious]: "You dare to mock me and my plans? You are nothing but a mere comedian. You have no understanding of true power and the lengths one must go to achieve it."

Daniel Tosh: [laughing]: "Wow, calm down there buddy. I was just joking. But, you know what they say, laughter is the best medicine. Maybe you should try it sometime."

Voldemort: [seething with anger]: "You will pay for your disrespect, Daniel Tosh. Mark my words."

Daniel Tosh: "Oh, I'm shaking. Look, let's just agree to disagree and enjoy the rest of the party, okay?"

Voldemort: [still angry]: "Fine, but know that I will not forget this insult."

Daniel Tosh: "I'll try to sleep well at night knowing that. Now, can we talk about something more interesting? Like, I don't know, your favorite type of sushi or something?"

Voldemort: [tightly]: "I do not partake in such frivolous matters."

Daniel Tosh: "Suit yourself. More for me. Back to your horcruxes,

how about we make a game out of it? I'll give you a hint, and you have to guess where the next one is hidden. And if you win, I'll buy you a round of drinks. Deal?"

Voldemort: [sarcastically]: "Oh, how generous of you. I decline your offer. I have no interest in playing games with the likes of you."

Daniel Tosh: "Suit yourself. But, if you change your mind, let me know. I'll be here all night making fun of your horcrux hiding skills."

Voldemort: [angrily]: "I will not tolerate your insults any longer. I will leave now and will not return to this gathering."

Daniel Tosh: "Hey, no need to get so upset. It was just a joke. Lighten up."

Voldemort: [through gritted teeth]: "Goodbye, Daniel."

Daniel Tosh: "See ya, Voldemort. Have a good night."

As Voldemort storms out of the party, Daniel Tosh turns to the crowd and says, "Well, that was awkward. Anyone else want to mock Voldemort's horcrux hiding skills? No? Alright, moving on. Who's ready for some drinks?"